Dating Violence
Dating violence is an intentional act(s) of violence (whether physical, sexual or emotional) on a partner in a relationship. Victims of dating violence may experience one incident or it could be an ongoing pattern of several different types of incidents.
Facts
- Dating violence can occur in any type of relationship.
- Emotional abuse from one’s partner can severely damage a person’s sense of self-worth and self-perception.
- There is an increase in dating violence when there is alcohol involved. The violence is usually blamed on the alcohol but this should never be an excuse (Public Health Agency of Canada - Violence in Dating Relationships).
- Those experiencing violence in a relationship must be supported. Talking about violence in a relationship can be very hard to do, but it is necessary and can be easier if one has a good support system.
- Youth between the ages of 15 and 24 have the highest risk of being victims of dating violence, the majority of them being female.
(Source: Statistics Canada)
Why does it happen?
Dating violence is usually used to gain control over the victim and they may increase in intensity if the abuser believes he or she is losing control of the relationship. Violent acts are also used by some individuals as a way to express their anger.
Types of dating violence
Dating violence can consist of the following types of abuse: sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse.
Dating violence: Myths or Facts
Myth: Jealousy is a sign of love.
Fact: Jealousy is one of the most common reasons for dating violence. When a person continually accuses his/her partner of flirting or having an affair and is suspicious of everyone he/she sees with him/her, this is being possessive and controlling. This is emotional abuse.
Myth: When someone gets hit by their partner, they must have provoked him/her in some way.
Fact: No one deserves to be hit. All couples will disagree at some point, but violence is never the answer and will not solve the problem.
Myth: It’ll never happen to me!
Fact: Dating violence can happen to anyone. It does not recognize race, class, religion or sexual orientation. It happens to some men or women on their first date and to others after they have been dating for a long time.
(Source: Public Health Agency of Canada – Violence in Dating Relationships)
Possible signs someone may be a victim of dating violence:*
- Unexplained bruises or fake-sounding explanations for injuries;
- Depression;
- Mood swings or personality changes;
- Risk-taking behaviours (doing drugs/drinking alcohol etc.);
- Withdrawal from friends and family;
- Drop in school performance.
(Source: Canadian Red Cross)
*Note: Some of these signs alone may not necessarily mean that someone is a victim of abuse. However, if you are concerned about someone’s behaviour in a relationship, talk to a professional or trusted adult.
If you are a victim of dating violence…
- You must know that it is not your fault and that you are not alone. No one deserves to be abused.
- Confide in someone you trust like a friend, your parents or a teacher. It is going to be easier to face the situation with a good support system.
- Don’t hesitate to talk to a counsellor. What you have been through is quite traumatizing and seeking professional help can assist you in dealing with any feelings or effects you may be experiencing.
- Don’t stay in this situation and seek help. There are resources available in your community who are trained to deal with situations like dating violence. These people are there to help you. If you are scared, ask the person you confided in to go with you or call Kids Help Phone, an anonymous, 24 hour phone line at 1-800-668-6868.
If you suspect or know someone who is a victim of dating violence…
- If you think a friend of yours is a victim of dating violence, don’t ignore the signs and talk to your friend. Make sure they know you can be trusted and that you are they to help them if they need it.
- If your friend decides to talk to you, make sure you listen to them. You can say that you fear for their safety but make sure to support and not judge them.
- Encourage your friend to get some help and ensure them that you will be there for support. If the person is reluctant in getting help, you can’t force them, but you can provide some information or resources like Kids Help Phone. If you ever feel like your friend’s life is in danger, don’t keep this a secret anymore and talk to an adult you trust like a parent, the school counsellor or the police.
It also may be beneficial to develop a safety plan. Here is one that was developed by the Kids Help Phone.
Links
Statistics Canada – Dating violence in Canada 2008
Public Health Agency of Canada – Dating Violence
Royal Canadian Mounted Police – Dating Violence Say No
Canadian Red Cross
Kids Help Phone
Aimer sans violence (in French only)
